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Coming of Age by ~SpiritFingers:iconSpiritFingers:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


They snuffed out the stars in my eyes
And forced the smoke down my throat
Is this another rite of passage?
The transition, the initiation
When you’re standing alone,
On your own without a home
With a fist wrapped around your heart to
Keep it from breaking

Turns out that my childhood heroes
My juvenile champions
My ancient mountains
They were human all along
They were flawed
They were unreliable
They were fragile
Nothing personal, of course
One day I’ll forgive them
For being human all along
Not soon or later, but someday
When I let my own children down
©2009 ~SpiritFingers
:iconspiritfingers:

Author's Comments

Poetry isn't my strong suit. Still, for about a week, this has been rolling around in my head and it finally came out halfway decent. -shrugs- That's okay.

This poem's creation began with the phrase, "I'm running out of adults I can trust." I tried really hard to include that phrase, but the poem simply wasn't having it. xD I wanted to convey the thought or imagining that as one grows up and the adults begin to fail us as "superiors" and "know-it-alls", we ourselves become adults... because, if all the adults around you fail you, you must become an adult so that you will not fail yourself.

Or something like that. x3

Comments


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:iconlady-fireknight:
~Lady-FireKnight Jul 10, 2009, 10:49:28 PM
hmm, i probably have no place messing with yur writing but . . . possibly after "They were fragile" you could add something like "No more adults to trust" if u think it fits and works for the line you couldn't add?

--
"all because of you/ i believe in angels/ not the kind with wings/ no, not the kind with halos/ the kind that brings you home/ when home becomes a strange place/ i'll follow your voice/ all you have to do is shout it out" TheGoodLeftUndone - RiseAgainst
:iconspiritfingers:
~SpiritFingers Jul 11, 2009, 2:28:04 PM
...hm, maybe. I hadn't thought to put it in the second stanza. o__o Heh, thanks! xD I might roll it around in my head a while longer. I might even cut off the first stanza. Or not. Gah- this is why I'm no good at poetry. XDD

--
Those of us without rhythm have far too much on our minds.
:iconlady-fireknight:
~Lady-FireKnight Jul 11, 2009, 10:57:18 PM
Reading it again, if u wanna keep the 1st stanza (cuz it could work all by itself as a seperate poem), then starting with the line I suggested adding, break it off to make a 3rd stanza. haha, i counted the lines and that would also make a fun pattern: 8 lines, 7 lines, & 6 lines. Almost like if you're breaking things down to get to the main point.

--
"all because of you/ i believe in angels/ not the kind with wings/ no, not the kind with halos/ the kind that brings you home/ when home becomes a strange place/ i'll follow your voice/ all you have to do is shout it out" TheGoodLeftUndone - RiseAgainst
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