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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
June 21, 2014
Depression (in Eight Parts) by SpiritFingers "is an altogether bitter sweet yet strangely uplifting piece. " (Suggesters Words)
Featured by HugQueen
Suggested by half-pixieman
Literature Text
I.
I took a walk once, and
Depression walked alongside me.
"I want to be alone," I told him.
"I know," he replied,
"Why do you think I'm here?"
II.
"I have a plan,"
Depression said to me.
"Not today," I said.
"I'm tired."
He frowned and asked,
"How did you know my plan?"
III.
I gave the weekend over to Depression
but he took three days
instead of two.
"Think of it as an investment," he said.
"And maybe I'll let you have a Friday night
without regrets."
IV.
Fallen to the floor
I look up and see
he's smiling at me.
"You know what they say
about old dogs."
He's doing this on purpose,
I know he is-
and it's working.
"They can't learn new tricks?"
I asked, playing my part.
"No," he replied,
"They die."
V.
I walked away,
my Trials and Tribulations
defeated behind me.
Depression followed,
but even he took a moment
and whistled low.
"I don't think much of you, but
those were some big guys."
I answered honestly:
"What were they,
compared to you?"
VI.
I looked Depression in the eye
staring without pardon or pause.
"Stop that," he said.
"Why," I asked,
"You nervous?"
He looked away
and said nothing.
VII.
Depression smiled at me
And I smiled back.
"You can't win,"
he told me.
"Winning's not the point,"
and I took my turn on the board.
"The point is to keep playing."
He laughed
but said nothing.
"Your move,"
I told him.
VIII.
I look beside me and see
that Depression and I
never once lost stride.
He's still here,
still with me.
"Who knows," he said.
"Maybe you’ll grow old one day.
We'll sit on rocking chairs,
cursing one another,
still playing our little game."
He smiled, and maybe I did too.
"Better yet," I told him.
"Maybe you won't be around at all."
I took a walk once, and
Depression walked alongside me.
"I want to be alone," I told him.
"I know," he replied,
"Why do you think I'm here?"
II.
"I have a plan,"
Depression said to me.
"Not today," I said.
"I'm tired."
He frowned and asked,
"How did you know my plan?"
III.
I gave the weekend over to Depression
but he took three days
instead of two.
"Think of it as an investment," he said.
"And maybe I'll let you have a Friday night
without regrets."
IV.
Fallen to the floor
I look up and see
he's smiling at me.
"You know what they say
about old dogs."
He's doing this on purpose,
I know he is-
and it's working.
"They can't learn new tricks?"
I asked, playing my part.
"No," he replied,
"They die."
V.
I walked away,
my Trials and Tribulations
defeated behind me.
Depression followed,
but even he took a moment
and whistled low.
"I don't think much of you, but
those were some big guys."
I answered honestly:
"What were they,
compared to you?"
VI.
I looked Depression in the eye
staring without pardon or pause.
"Stop that," he said.
"Why," I asked,
"You nervous?"
He looked away
and said nothing.
VII.
Depression smiled at me
And I smiled back.
"You can't win,"
he told me.
"Winning's not the point,"
and I took my turn on the board.
"The point is to keep playing."
He laughed
but said nothing.
"Your move,"
I told him.
VIII.
I look beside me and see
that Depression and I
never once lost stride.
He's still here,
still with me.
"Who knows," he said.
"Maybe you’ll grow old one day.
We'll sit on rocking chairs,
cursing one another,
still playing our little game."
He smiled, and maybe I did too.
"Better yet," I told him.
"Maybe you won't be around at all."
Literature
Depression...
No, depression is not just getting sad.
It's a constant sadness that melts into your bones,
An indescribably heavy weight upon your shoulders,
Never mind your heart and soul.
It's believing so many lies (maybe because you've learned to accept them)
And no longer appreciating your self-worth.
Wishing you no longer existed, wishing yourself gone.
Depression holds you back from your dreams
And pulls you into a nightmare.
It takes full control of your existence.
It makes you never want to get out of bed,
And when you finally do,
You just want to get back in it.
But you know the hardest part?
Ignorant people.
Just.
Like.
You.
Literature
To depression, for creating days without end
Wake up to the realization that you've been awake
for seconds, minutes, hours.
You've been awake in this warm, dark room
and you don't know how long it's been
but now you're conscious
and it starts again--
the pain, strong and steady, in your chest.
You gain consciousness in this too warm morning
and your thoughts whir in endless loops
because it's either that or face the weight in your chest.
Light breaks though the window, soft and unwelcome
but you take it as a reluctant gift--
a new distraction from the feelings awake in your chest.
Awake, but not conscious.
So you think yourself in circles a little while longer
waiting for those qui
Literature
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
When I was little, it use to amaze me how colors were made. In art class I would sit and mix paint because blue and red didn't stay the same when they fell in love. Every single color found its match and danced beautifully as I swirled them together. Black and white were my favorites. I'd pour the creamy paint into a bowl and watch as black and white swirls, turned into grey swirls and owned the container holding it captive. Grey was amazing to me. Because black and white are nothing alike, and grey is in the middle. Black is dark and scary and demanding. And white is graceful, and trusting, and clean. Grey is nothing. Grey is bland. And safe
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Someone once told me that I write poetry when I'm trying to get through writer's block. I hadn't noticed, but it's certainly worth a shot. So please ignore the mindspew as it comes out. Something I've pieced together over the years, just gave it a spitshine, some order, and a hopeful ending.
UPDATE
I... don't know what to say to the reaction this piece has gotten. Maybe it's normal for some deviants but I count myself lucky if I get two people to read my things, much less over a hundred of you. It's heartening and sad at the same time that so many of you can relate, but I'm happy to share something of my experience with you.
Depression is a real and serious thing. Those who don't understand might mean well but they only know that you're not feeling okay. They don't always understand that depression is a part of you, an extension of yourself and your personality, and it can't be defeated in a single blow. Perhaps it can't be defeated at all, and just like any other enemy, the only true way to vanquish Depression is to make him your friend. I'm not a licensed anything, I didn't go to college for psychology, but I've had a death wish since I was ten years old and while I wouldn't want that experience on anyone, it's made me who I am. And I'm still here, because I've learned to live with that.
Thank you very much, to everyone who commented, to everyone who fave'd this piece, to everyone who read it.
UPDATE UPDATE
A DD? Omgosh. Just... no words. THANK YOU.
UPDATE
I... don't know what to say to the reaction this piece has gotten. Maybe it's normal for some deviants but I count myself lucky if I get two people to read my things, much less over a hundred of you. It's heartening and sad at the same time that so many of you can relate, but I'm happy to share something of my experience with you.
Depression is a real and serious thing. Those who don't understand might mean well but they only know that you're not feeling okay. They don't always understand that depression is a part of you, an extension of yourself and your personality, and it can't be defeated in a single blow. Perhaps it can't be defeated at all, and just like any other enemy, the only true way to vanquish Depression is to make him your friend. I'm not a licensed anything, I didn't go to college for psychology, but I've had a death wish since I was ten years old and while I wouldn't want that experience on anyone, it's made me who I am. And I'm still here, because I've learned to live with that.
Thank you very much, to everyone who commented, to everyone who fave'd this piece, to everyone who read it.
UPDATE UPDATE
A DD? Omgosh. Just... no words. THANK YOU.
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Comments272
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I love the first and third stanza the most -- they are clever and the first is enticing, because it's an interesting perspective that's not really discussed. Just like trauma-rooted disorders, depression can be the mind's subconscious way of (ineffectively) arming itself, like in cases of extreme grief, or burnout, the brain is saying -- "I don't want to take it anymore, so chemically, I'm going to sleep." Of course, depression is horrible, and it is so defeating, but the brain doesn't really understand the consequences of that, because psychiatric illnesses are in the body like any other illness, and the body lives in the present; it doesn't have a concept of goals, ambitions, or plans, so being able to accept what you're struggling with helps open the door to recovering.
I hope you are continuing forward on your journey of recovery. It's non-linear, but once it's started, I think the practice gets kind of easier in time.
The part I'm mostly talking about is this:
'"I want to be alone," I told him.
"I know," he replied,
"Why do you think I'm here?"'
This is a beautiful piece and I'm not surprised at all it got a Daily Deviation. 